Family possessions aren’t ‘just stuff’ — how to declutter with care

(Aging Untold) — Decluttering can be overwhelming when there is too much to sort through, and people often struggle because of sentimental value attached to possessions, like the treasures in a great-grandmother’s hutch.

Amy O’Rourke, an aging expert, provided examples of two ways of going about the process.

One was a woman who didn’t care what her children did with her belongings, so she didn’t worry about it. She had stuff everywhere, and it was a burden for the family.

The other person took care of everything, and it was easy for the family because everything was labeled and documented.

“There’s a burden that you put on someone if you don’t kind of go through the stuff,” O’Rourke said.

Taking time to reminisce

O’Rourke said everything in a house has memories, feelings and emotions.

People should step back from the need to declutter and take time to ask about items, she said.

For example, her mother kept matchbooks from all over the world in a big jar, and the family took time to talk to her about when she went to Mexico and Jamaica.

“Reminiscence is a natural stage at the time of life,” O’Rourke said. “So take that time, see what emotions are attached to the things and then start getting rid of things.”

Katherine Ambrose, an aging-well coach, said reminiscing is one of the healthiest things people can do, and it makes it easier to let things go.

She said she has run into seniors who say they don’t care and their sons will take care of it later.

But people can get overwhelmed dealing with their parents’ belongings, and that often causes them to go home and purge at their house because they don’t want to do that to their kids, she said.

More than just stuff

Sam Cradduck, a gerontologist, said she takes a different approach.

“I don’t think it’s just stuff. It’s your identity. It’s who you were,” Cradduck said. “That chair isn’t just a chair. That’s where your husband sat or your wife sat. That recipe box? It’s not just recipes. It’s how you fed your family.”

She said she doesn’t like that people consider it just stuff. She was one of the children who got to go through all of the belongings and she loved it.

Her grandfather saved every check he had ever written from 1910 on, and Cradduck said she loved getting to look at all the canceled checks.

“I enjoy that part of it. And I wish that more kids would embrace that instead of devaluing it,” Cradduck said.

Dr. Rhea Rogers, a board-certified physician, said caregivers and the people who own the possessions come from two different perspectives.

“For that person, it’s not just stuff. It’s meaning, it’s memories,” Rogers said.

For the children, it may just be stuff that they know they have to declutter, but they also need to recognize where important papers are and have discussions to know which things they need, she added.

Ambrose added that sometimes a professional who helps with downsizing can make that happen.