Funeral planning: Why preparation saves money, eases grief

(Aging Untold) — The conversation about funeral planning is one that no one wants to have but that everyone needs to.

Fewer than 40% of Americans have talked about or written down funeral plans, according to the National Funeral Directors Association. While many struggle with the subject, it’s even harder and costlier to make these decisions while grieving, according to the Aging Untold experts.

Amy O’Rourke, an aging expert, said price gouging is a major concern when families wait to plan.

“You can buy a cremation from a funeral home. That’s the most affordable way to purchase funeral arrangements,” O’Rourke said. “You can get what’s called a green burial, which you can get from a funeral home. And there’s no embalming, which lowers the cost. Or you can pay for a regular burial, which is the most expensive way.”

The cost of grief

O’Rourke said planning ahead of time will save families from all the decision making during a period of deep grief, and it will also save money.

“Nobody needs a $20,000 casket that’s going to be in the ground,” Sam Cradduck, a gerontologist. “You’re going to see it for how many minutes during the funeral and during the service, and then it goes down into a vault in the ground.”

Dr. Rhea Rogers, a board-certified physician, said grief can create guilt that leads to unnecessary spending.

“The love is in the living. They’re gone,” Rogers said. “Don’t let your grief create guilt and make you spend to try to show how much you love them. You showed them when they were living.”

Katherine Ambrose, an aging-well coach, said the timing of funeral planning adds to the burden.

“Say you’re leaving the hospital, you’re absolutely devastated. You’re second-guessing things that happened. Maybe there’s a lot of family drama going on,” Ambrose said. “If you’re having to drive straight to the funeral home to start being asked all these questions, especially if you’ve never been through it before, it’s very overwhelming.”

She said grief merchandise is frequently sold at this height of vulnerability.

“Grief is very expensive and it becomes far more painful when there’s not a plan,” Ambrose said.

Affordable alternatives

Cradduck said veterans should look for national cemeteries that offer free burials.

She said her mother is buried on their family farm.

“A lot of states allow you to self-bury on your property. That saves a whole huge amount of money,” Cradduck said.

She also noted regional differences in funeral practices.

California families often wait a month or two for memorial services after cremation, while Kentucky funerals typically happen within days, she said.

Ambrose said people who can afford expensive funerals should make their own decisions ahead of time.

“I’m all for empowerment. You’re making your own decisions,” she said. “Just don’t leave it to your family.”