Selling the family home? Experts offer guidance for older adults and families

(Aging Untold) — Bringing up the idea of selling the family home is one of the toughest conversations a family can have.

It can spark guilt, grief, relief and even anger for parents and adult children alike.

Baby boomers are now the largest group of home sellers, according to the National Association of Realtors, and the reasons for moving vary — from relocating closer to family and paying medical bills to downsizing.

Don’t rush to list

Aging-well coach Katherine Ambrose said families should resist the urge to act immediately.

“My first tip is don’t panic sell,” Ambrose said. “Don’t call immediately to list the home. You’ve got to have a plan on how you’re going to handle dealing with the whole transition.”

Ambrose said there is no reason to sell to a cash investor or treat the sale as a fire sale.

“There’s always time to get the best price and the best terms,” she said.

Plan early — and know your numbers

Aging expert Amy O’Rourke noted that 85% of older adults want to stay in their own home and said families should run the numbers well before a move becomes necessary.

“Do that first, like way early on — when you’re 50, when you’re 60," O’Rourke said. “Because if you really want to make it a reality, then you need to know if you can’t, what are you going to do?”

Go into the decision knowing that the emotional weight of the process is significant.

“If you can afford a therapist, get one, because it’s so much grief,” O’Rourke said.

Choose the right real estate professional

Ambrose said not every real estate agent is equipped to handle older adult transitions.

“I’m sorry to my own industry, it’s not just your regular everyday real estate agent,” Ambrose said. “It needs to be someone that’s very experienced in older adult transitions and someone that has probably a lot of training ... within real estate, but also outside of real estate and they’re experts at honoring the timeline and helping people weigh all these things out.”

Understand the reason for the move

Dr. Rhea Rogers, a board-certified physician, said the circumstances driving a sale matter when it comes to how families should approach the process.

“I think you have to look at why are we having to move. Are we moving because we’re needing to downsize?” Rogers said. “Or are we moving because I’ve lost a spouse, or there’s mental decline, dementia — and there’s a whole other thing going on."

She added that adult children who resist a parent’s decision to sell should consider their role carefully.

Couples face the transition differently

Ambrose said among married downsizers 75 and older, it is most often the wife who initiates the move.

“Usually, the men don’t initiate it unless they’re doing it for their wife, because their wife has so many physical or cognitive issues that he’s doing it because he loves her,” Ambrose said.